I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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