I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
