I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
