she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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