Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
