Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
