I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
