I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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