Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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