So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize