I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
