We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
