I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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