It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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