Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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