"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
