i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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