He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
