1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
