Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
