Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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