i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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