Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
