I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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