i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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