You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
