Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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