omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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