Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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