So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
