You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Randomize
