Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
