It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize