I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
