Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
