4 words: hood of his car
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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