Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
