Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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