so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he thought i was a dude.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
