I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
