now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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