is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
