PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
