i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
