Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
