She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
