I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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