she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
