She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
