If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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