You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
