I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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