I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
