He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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