i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
