Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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