why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
