She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
