I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize