In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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