Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
