So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
