Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
