well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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