This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
