Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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