Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
